More and More Tomorrow

Have you ever had one of those days where you want to just throw in the towel and say "Eff it" except you use the whole word? I've been feeling that way alot lately. Its not really anyone's fault. As easy as it would be to blame it on someone else, I have to take a good portion of responsibility upon myself.

As a person, you set certain goals for yourself, that you hope or wish to accomplish. Lately I've been looking forward and backward (probably a little too much). I haven't accomplished ANYTHING that I wanted to. Nothing. No college degree, No published book, No Military Career (Ok.. granted that was shot down when I was 19 and permanently damaged my legs). I've accomplished other things.. I'm a wife (twice over, but we won't talk about my ill fated first marriage), I am a mother (to three gorgeous children that only make me want to run away screaming a few times a day).

Sometimes its a daily struggle to find myself worthwhile, which of course makes it difficult for others to find me worthwhile. Or maybe I'm just seeing it through these warped contacts. I don't know. All I know is, is that there are days where I feel under-appreciated, and like I put MY life on hold for everyone else. My life revolves around my husband and children, and somehow somewhere I got lost along the way. People used to think I was smart. Now my daily conversation is based upon food, either what I ate, what we are going to eat, or what I fed the kids and how healthy or unhealthy it was; bowel movements.. if you aren't a mom, you probably won't understand that one; sleep patterns (mine and the baby's), oh and possibly some tv program, how many fights and over what I had to break up, and maybe just maybe if I was adventurous and I took the monsters somewhere.  I know exciting right?

I miss talking politics and religion, and generally conversating with someone who is an adult. I love my kids. I love my husband, too as far as that goes, but conversating with him is like trying to talk to a brick wall sometimes. I never planned on the whole kids/family thing, so sometimes I'm a little stumped as far as how I got here. I guess at this point, I'm done making plans, and I'm just going to sail through on a wing and a prayer, and hope it all turns out okay.

Still it would be nice to be told that I'm awesome, that I did or am doing a good job. Because this IS work. Being the primary caretaker of three children is hard work. Shoot, days that we get by with no major incident, I'm proud. Holding it all together sometimes takes every bit of love, and all the duct tape in my house.

And maybe someday I'll get around to that Degree, and that book that I want to write. Heck even if it never got published I'd feel accomplished just having wrote it. Tomorrow is another day. Right?

Love you More Tomorrow. :)

Wake up to bickering children, followed by the wail of the Diva, since the monsters woke her up to. Upon getting up hear whining and crying on two fronts from the Monsters... usually consisting of a combination of He hit me.. ect and I'm Humbry (that is how the 3yr old says hungry).  I am followed to the bathroom hearing it, then to the Diva's room. Put Diva in the Highchair, convince the oldest one to spoon feed her cereal, while attempting to get the Monsters breakfast down. The Middle Monster, then changes his mind 3 times about which cereal he'd rather eat and whether or not he'd like milk. FINALLY, baby fed, monsters fed.... time for a break right???

Then it really starts.. MOM, I wanna go to the splash park, I wanna play outside, I wanna wanna wanna. I look at the clock.. its still prior to 8 am. SIGH. I force them to their room to watch cartoons and play for awhile. Honestly its just variations of this all day. Quit fighting, Share, Stop Running, Don't Don't DON'T.

this is how our day has started EVERYDAY since school let out.. When will the school year arrive to rescue me? sad thing is that the Monsters will both be in preschool, but only for 1/2 a day.. but hey that's something right?

I had such high hopes for Summer.. Educational but fun activities for the kids.. a Home-Summer School program.. I don't know WHY I was deluding myself... Apparently those idyllic summers only exist in childhood. It makes me wish for the beach, and a LARGE margharita. Ah well.. maybe tomorrow will be different?? one can hope right?

So what are everyone's plans for Father's Day? I think we are sticking close to home, going to the community fair, maybe sending Daddy and the Monsters somewhere so me and the Diva don't have to leave the comfort of AC. Its supposed to be a hot weekend.

I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend. Saturday we went to the River and BBQ'ed with my parents, and friends. Sunday we went to a birthday party, and Monday we spent relaxing at home. Of course with it being Memorial Day, we talked to the kids alot about what the Day meant, and why it was so important. I don't think that they get the point of honoring our soldiers,but they are getting there!

Today I had PLANNED on staying home, getting to the housework that I've been procrastinating all weekend, and being productive, intead, I took the kids to the splash park, then afterwords we went to McDonald's play place, and had ice cream. All in all we may not have been productive but we had a great time.

Two more days until the Diva's EKG.. I'm getting nervous, but I'm also really just wanting to find SOMETHING out!