Feeling Underappreciated.

Have you ever had one of those days where you want to just throw in the towel and say "Eff it" except you use the whole word? I've been feeling that way alot lately. Its not really anyone's fault. As easy as it would be to blame it on someone else, I have to take a good portion of responsibility upon myself.

As a person, you set certain goals for yourself, that you hope or wish to accomplish. Lately I've been looking forward and backward (probably a little too much). I haven't accomplished ANYTHING that I wanted to. Nothing. No college degree, No published book, No Military Career (Ok.. granted that was shot down when I was 19 and permanently damaged my legs). I've accomplished other things.. I'm a wife (twice over, but we won't talk about my ill fated first marriage), I am a mother (to three gorgeous children that only make me want to run away screaming a few times a day).

Sometimes its a daily struggle to find myself worthwhile, which of course makes it difficult for others to find me worthwhile. Or maybe I'm just seeing it through these warped contacts. I don't know. All I know is, is that there are days where I feel under-appreciated, and like I put MY life on hold for everyone else. My life revolves around my husband and children, and somehow somewhere I got lost along the way. People used to think I was smart. Now my daily conversation is based upon food, either what I ate, what we are going to eat, or what I fed the kids and how healthy or unhealthy it was; bowel movements.. if you aren't a mom, you probably won't understand that one; sleep patterns (mine and the baby's), oh and possibly some tv program, how many fights and over what I had to break up, and maybe just maybe if I was adventurous and I took the monsters somewhere.  I know exciting right?

I miss talking politics and religion, and generally conversating with someone who is an adult. I love my kids. I love my husband, too as far as that goes, but conversating with him is like trying to talk to a brick wall sometimes. I never planned on the whole kids/family thing, so sometimes I'm a little stumped as far as how I got here. I guess at this point, I'm done making plans, and I'm just going to sail through on a wing and a prayer, and hope it all turns out okay.

Still it would be nice to be told that I'm awesome, that I did or am doing a good job. Because this IS work. Being the primary caretaker of three children is hard work. Shoot, days that we get by with no major incident, I'm proud. Holding it all together sometimes takes every bit of love, and all the duct tape in my house.

And maybe someday I'll get around to that Degree, and that book that I want to write. Heck even if it never got published I'd feel accomplished just having wrote it. Tomorrow is another day. Right?

Love you More Tomorrow. :)